The Social Ref

I just read, The Social Ref: How to Become a Better Referee and Umpire by Shawn D. Madden. This is one of the best books I have read on Officiating. I am an official with the WFTDA associated with the Orlando Roller Derby League. I cannot recommend this book enough.

Notes from the book

This book describes priorities of being a good referee:

Recognize your role - People didn't come to watch you, but to either play and have fun or watch others play/have fun
To facilitate others play and fun, requires good people and communication skills - this book provides those tools

The best and longest lasting referees are great communicators first.

They begin with things they can control (like game information) and build trust and credibility with players through clear communication.

How to become a great referee:

First, get the game information right
Then, become a master in communicating the game information, diffusing conflict, and positive proactive game control

The most important lesson, it is not about the calls, it is your communication.

Here are the 5 key habits that every social ref uses in every game.

Climb down off the pedestal.
See the third game.
Become the scoreboard.
Become a diffuser.
Change the future.

You move through 5 phases of ref development.

Phase 1: Decide.
Phase 2: Train and learn.
Phase 3: Survive. That's the first 15 games.
Phase 4: Stabilize. 15 through 50 games.
Phase 5: Drive. 50 plus games.

Phase 1: Decide - Key Habit: Climb down off the pedestal

Nobody came to watch you ref. It's not about you, it's about the game and the players.

If you have to say you are in charge, you are not in charge. You are just acting like a jerk.

CAP is the destroyer of new refs.

C. Conflict. Conflict is a given.
A. Adversity. Adversity is when there are more ingredients to the conflict. Multiple people yelling, field problems, bad weather.
P. Passion. Passion comes from the players from their desire to play well and win.

Refing is a lot like politics. People will ignore the truth and facts and instead argue with your call based on how they feel about it. There is no absolute truth on the field. Just perspectives.

People don't get mad about the rules.
They get mad about how the rules are enforced.

CAP will find you on the field. How will you respond?

Don't confuse explaining with teaching. Explaining often comes off as a form of let me tell you why I am right and you are wrong.

Phase 2: Train and learn - Key habit: See the third game.

There are at least three versions of a game.

First game: The game the Home team and their fans watch
Second game: The game the Away team and their fans watch
Third game: The game the refs need to see to do their job.

If you're watching the ball fly through the air, you're probably watching the wrong thing.

Move to think, move to engage. When referees first start, they don't need more knowledge, they will need more movement.

Referees need to move towards the decision they have to make, triggering decisions with their feet first.

Learn and know the rules, but then move past the rulebook. Don't get stuck in the rules.

Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by neglect.

Keep a ref journal:

Be proactive and take notes
Key rules and penalties
Key questions/comments
Keep a script sheet - Think about how you will handle certain situations, such as, "why didn't you make that call," "everyone saw that," "are you sure about that rule," etc.

The 5 jobs of a Social Ref:

You help people learn - Calls based on rules and saying, the third game.
Teaching and coaching - You help people learn the rules and avoid common mistakes.
Announcement scoreboard - Game information is the start of your engagement credibility because you control the scoreboard.
Field and gear manager - You need to own the field and keep track of all the gear that players may use.
League operations - Administrative tasks like roster shirts, waivers, announcements, et cetera.

Phase 3: Survive - Key habit: Become the scoreboard

Build the core habit of giving out game information and becoming the scoreboard.

Engagement starts with the game, your game information, and depends on your frequency.

It is really hard to be too loud in a recreational league game.
It is almost impossible to repeat the core game information too many times.
- When you give game information, repeat it 3 times.

Replicating and repeating is better than remembering.

Keep things boring and consistent through good habits to create good long-term results.

Put your gear in the same place every time.
Put your information where you need to every time.

You want to ref big, not small.

Refing small means your signals, volume, repetition and movement don't match the closeness or importance of the call you need to make. This confuses players and makes them doubt your decisions.
When it matters, ref big.

Game information is the glue that connects everything.

Communication with players
Credibility and trust
Communication with other refs
Engagement in the game
Ability to announce the scoreboard as an automatic habit and move on to other responsibilities.

Engagement starts with answering the core question: What game information did the players need to know from me every play or every time there is an action?

Don't become a "Squirrel Ref" - trying to answer every player trying to make every player happy.

Not every comment or question needs a response
Not every complaint needs an apology

Phase 4: Stabilize - Key habit: Become a diffuser

Framework to learning to diffuse cap and arguments.

Don't make the situation worse.
Check that players actually understand the issue.
Try to diffuse the situation with your toolbox.

All diffusion starts with a basic idea: Avoid making things worse.

Don't get trapped in battles that never need to be fought in the first place.

Avoid using a fake diffuser. They make it seem like you don't care. Fake diffusers have these traits.

They make sense in your head, but never really help.
They feel personal, like scolding or criticism.
They often feel really good and easy to say as an instant reaction.
Fake diffusers are dismissive.

Avoid using an opposition response (a no response to a yes or a yes response to a no).

Respond with a brief explanation with information instead of the opposite of what the player said.

Keep your communication raw, simple and clear.

Two reversal switches.

Over-explaining a call that no one likes is an escalator.
Never re-enact plays, fouls and penalties for players.

The ability to diffuse revolves around these questions:

Does it seem like you are listening and you care?
Can you pivot from the original disagreement?
Can you disarm someone by complimenting them or just making them laugh?

Listen and support

Hearing someone's concern does not mean you have to agree with them.
No matter how unreasonable someone might be, you can normally find one good point to agree with (the One Good Thing rule).

Pivoting:

You can always pivot to the future (I will watch for it going forward)
"I hear you. Who should I watch for?"

Additional ways to diffuse tension are:

Compliments
- Be direct with you and your when giving good news and compliments.
Escape hatches
- Giving players an escape hatch means removing blame from the situation.
Humor

Be detached with a historical voice when assigning blame for penalties and vows because they feel like criticism.

The diffuser toolbox:

General tools
- Historical voice
- Perspective switch: What you saw versus what they did
- Field talk
Stop and squash
- Killer comebacks
- Fake diffusers
- Yes, no, loop responses
- Over-explaining calls
- Re-enactments
- Singling out/pointing out players
- Shaking your head "no"
Listen and agree
- Agree with a smaller part (the person, not the call)
- Find one good thing
- Agree with yourself
Pivot or pause
- Timing pivot (Let's talk about this more at the next break)
- "Watch for" future pivot
- Ask for Help
- Ref Huddle
Disarm and diffuse
- Camouflage complement
- Humor (as defense)
- Escape hatch
- Gift game information
- Collect thank yous
- Smile

Phase 5: Drive - Key habit: Be proactive. Change the future.

Proactive refs default towards action.

They decide what kind of ref profile they will have and what kind of philosophy they will form.

Master the idea of game control, being fully engaged in the game to the point where they can change the future for the better and create more fun for players.

Sometimes your best call will be a simple warning.

Warnings are most effective when they are specific, personal and repetitive.
Warnings should be personalized to players, coaches or captains.

Three ways to have their back.

Hear them, help them, have their back.

Time Management:

The game always feels unfair when you didn't get your full time.
There are two kinds of time situations.
- A hard cap
- A soft cap

When you gossip, make fun or even complain about the teams that just played, you are setting the stage for your next game with waiting teams and players that are already watching you.

Finish your game the right way.

There is a time and place to vent about the game with your fellow refs. Right after the game finishes is the wrong time and place.

Take arrows. Only making the easy calls can lead to some very hard games.

A few ways to take the arrows.

Always step in when people are arguing about the rules. If players are arguing about rules and you are standing there watching, you are doing something wrong.
Step in between players who look like they want to cause trouble.
- There is a formula:Split, Separate, and Wait.
  - Split the players and step in between them. Splitting physical space.
  - Separate the closest person. Walk with me is a good start.
  - Wait until things cool down.
Assess penalties or fouls if you need to.
Be aware of outside conflict.

Three proactive ways to show you have a player's back.

Keeping a call
Guarding time
Stepping in

The three H's are key to engagement with your teams and players.

Hear me
Help me
Have my back

To control your game, start by owning the field, owning the gear, and being early.

The concept of random 12 minutes.

12 minutes every weekday is an hour a week and 50 hours a year.
The difference between being okay and grinding through versus being good or great is not those 50 or 100 or 10,000 hours, but starts with those 12 minutes.
Think about those 12 minutes next time you're in the car, sitting in a waiting room, watching Netflix before you go to sleep, or even walking across campus. Those 12 minutes are yours if you claim them.

Mentors:

Borrow one good thing from every ref you watch and work with, and you will be a better ref.
Borrow from great people because the great ones never seem to mind.
Borrow their techniques, scripts, sounds, jokes, comebacks, and their style.
Borrow the way they prep themselves before a game starts.
Borrow routines and movement patterns and habits.
Borrow the best and leave the worst behind.

Final Notes

At the end of the day, you are communicating with people.

Simplicity makes great refs, never complexity.

Refing teaches us two big ideas about life.

How you respond when things go wrong, not just when things go right.
Sometimes you can do everything right and everyone will still think you are wrong.

Refing is a rare thing. You are busting your butt to make sure someone else has fun and gets a fair shake. You ref in service to others so they can play while you are at work. You have to be better than just being correct to become a great communicator and social ref. Thank you.

My distractions