Masterful Coaching

"Everything you say reveals you" Ralph Waldo Emerson

Masterful coaches extend people first and then relentlessly coach them to show up that way.

Becoming a Masterful Coach

Be commited to making a difference
Be a total commitment to the person you are coaching
Be commited to honesty and integrity
Be commited to the impossible future of the person is creating
Be commited to transformation
Be an activist
Be a cheerleader

Feedback:

Positive acknowledgement leads to a *repetition of behavior.*
Negative acknowledgement leads to unpredictable behavior.
Absence of acknowledgement leads to negative behavior.

Masterful coaches give people the gift of their presence, a high quality of time and attention. Committed listening is the foundation for all powerful coaching.

7 cap (hats) coaching conversation system

Declaring new possibilities cap
Thinking partner cap
Drawing others out to cap
Reframing cap
Teaching and advising cap
Forward action cap
Giving honest feedback cap

Turn Ruts into Rivers

Change rut stories into river stories. Rut stories such as:

The "I need other people's approval" story - People's intention to look good replaces intention to be good.
The "I'm afraid to lose what I have" story - People play it safe, take no risks.
The "artful victim" story - People give away their power and can't create what they want.
The "tranquilizing" story - People cover up in competencies, no learning occurs.
The "why bother" story - We know what we're talking about, we have 20 years experience.

Transform rut stories into river stories

Listen for beliefs, assumptions, and meanings in people's stories.
- Recognize and interrupt the rut story.
  - Name and identify the rut story.
What are the unintended consequences of this story?
- Understand the nature of the rut story.
  - Step back from the story. Observe facts and inferences.
What are other ways to view what happened?
- Create a river story.
  - What are new ways of thinking, acting, and being?

Reinventing organizations

Stand for something, an impossible future.
Be your stand - It starts with me.
Create a powerful context.
Generate an alignment of holds.
Act from a stand that the individual matters.

Be Collaborative

Stages of Collaborative Conversation

Polite Discussion: People communicate diplomatically to avoid open conflict while at the same time sending mixed messages.
Rational Debate: People put issues on the table arguing the different sides rationally and suppressing their emotions.
Chaotic Discussion or War: People realize they have both intellectual and interpersonal conflicts that are not easily resolved and that could lead to a blow up.
The spirit of dialogue or embracing the enemy: People start to communicate with authenticity and vulnerability and empty themselves of biases towards other people or views.
Collaborative Conversations: Building shared understandings that lead to exciting new possibilities and opportunities not attainable on an individual basis.

A coach is first and foremost a teacher

Action Language

Encourage people to use action language.

Action languages build a shared understanding.
Declarations are different from hopes.
Promises are different from opinions.
Requests are different from complaints.
Offers are different from assessments.

Rules

Power of rules in our lives.

Whatever the game, the rules establish what the boundaries of the field are and tell us how to be successful within those boundaries.
People follow rules when they are clear about what the rules are, the rules support their well-being, and there is a consequence for not following them.
There is often a discrepancy between the formal policies or written rules of the organization and the unwritten rules leaders create.
The written and unwritten rules determine people's behavior within a social system or organization.
Leaders are often unaware of the unwritten rules they put in place. Followers are also often unaware of what the unwritten rules are.
A leader cannot advance his or her career or bring about significant change without mastering the unwritten rules.
Mastery starts with understanding what the unwritten rules are. Ultimately, mastery involves changing the game and creating new rules.

Essential Leader Skills

5 skills leaders need to transform organizations that often show up missing:

Extraordinary leadership
Creating a shared vision or context
Team dialogue or in conflict resolution
Reflecting on mental models
Systemic thinking

My distractions